One can not deny the differences between men and women are more than the apparent physical characteristics. Endless research tells the tale with statistic to substantiate the findings. Studies tell us men base their decisions on logic and women base theirs on emotion. The average number of words used in a day to communicate for men is half that of their feminine counterpart. Yes, women are better at multi-tasking. The list of differences goes on and the number of books offering advise on how make it work in spite of the differences could fill a library. Yet, we boldly face the challenge of co-habituating with optimism, but are we brave enough to enter the arena of co-decorating?

Traditions of the past have given the vast majority of decorating freedom to women with the assumption that men really don’t care what color the draperies are in the guest bedroom. Truth be told, you will find that most men may not have the same passion about the color of drapes but, they will let you know what they like and dislike.

Co-decorating can be fun and a great bonding experience. Working through the steps of decorating can be exhilarating and exhausting but, much more enjoyable when both partners share in the experience. Approach each project with respect to each other’s opinions and expect to exercise a level of compromise. Remember, the level of compromise Frasier exhibited for Martin’s “chair” was above and beyond normal expectations. Start by defining the spaces in the home as being joint, neutral or individual areas. I am not suggesting territories, but living spaces in which a person finds a certain warmth or functionality.

Join forces by utilizing each partner’s strengths. Assign individual tasks, your less artistic/more technical half will find a sense of pride researching the good, bad and ugly of the paint, carpet or appliance you are considering. Take notes and compare, remember vision is what is reflected in an individual’s mind so it is important to make certain you are working toward the same goal. Use visual aids such as fabric swatches in 1 yd. pieces, paint a 2’x 2’ area with the color you are considering. Work with a furniture store that will bring the furniture to your home for a trial period.

Decorating joint areas does not have to result in a battle field of hurt feelings and lost dreams. Consider the kitchen. While it is a joint area, cooking may be a passion for one partner and a necessary evil to the other. Develop a plan, divide the tasks into functionality and creativity and choose them according to each person’s strength .

Balancing the Bedroom. A bedroom should be a sanctuary enjoyed by both partners. Most bedrooms take on a far too feminine or masculine look which is partly attributed to the ease of the co-ordinates and the ever so popular “Bed in a Bag.” Both offer too much of the same throughout the room. Attempting to add masculinity to an all pink room is as difficult as making a brown color scheme feminine, however a palette of blush and chocolate provides a pleasant balance. Stripes, plaids and jacquards offer neutrality. Remember, achieving a level of comfort is first and foremost in decorating the bedroom.

Fellow Boomers remember the room no one dared to enter unless you were invited. I refer to it as sterile decorating. This was the opposite of co-decorating personified. The living area is neutral territory. Determine how the room will be used and discuss how you can incorporate your decorating ideas with consideration for the comfort of your partner, family and friends. Add functionality to the mix and you have a decorating success.

Special interests such as photography, reading, woodworking, gardening, napping (yes, some consider this an interest close to their heart), etc. deserve a place of their own. Special interests provide a release from the stress of our daily lives. However, it can also be frustrating because this is where each of you need to step back and let your partner define the outcome of this area.

I know so many people who have become involved with the decorating of their homes and love it. It now reflects their personality as well as their partner’s. They have a sense of pride in their ability to explain what went into the decorating of a room and yes, they did help choose the painting on the wall. I would love to hear about your co-decorating adventures and wish you “a day filled with great decorating ideas”.